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Check Your Lovin’

Good morning family! Thank God for revelation! When you ask God to open your eyes to truly “see,” He will never fail you. Having said that, on to this post! To begin let’s take a look at 3 different translations of 1 scripture (1 John 4:18) that I believe the Lord has shown me pertaining to this subject.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (King James)

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear is by suspicion, but he who fears is not grown up in love. (Aramaic Version)

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (New Living Translation)

Wheww…ok. Where do I begin with this one. Part of my rationale for creating this blog was to confess and be vulnerable in hopes of helping other people with similar issues through my journey with Christ. One of my main goals for the year was to learn to love in a healthy way. Keyword, HEALTHY. Some of you may be reading this  and are clueless and for others this resonates to your core. As I stated earlier in this post, God opened my eyes to truth this morning. Just when I thought I was back on the track to healthy loving, He showed me I was entering an unhealthy cycle once again. He brought me to the scripture above and even showed me 3 different translations in case I didn’t understand it the first time.

Due to experiences in my past, I’ve learned to love in fear. No, I am not making my past an excuse for my behavior, that’s just what the combination of my history and learned behavior have resulted in. I love to the extremes because of fear of it being taken away. The worst part about this was that I was ignorant that I was loving in this manner. What a dangerous place to be! Without drawing this post out to0 long, the lesson learned is loving in fear, loving to hard, loving others without giving others room to breathe all stem from fear and result in terrible consequences.

Ironically,  in order to love others in a healthy way, we have to let go and trust God. Healthy love is not squeezing a teddy bear to death and keeping it in your closet to fulfill your needs when you are ready to receive love. Healthy love is not viewing  life simply through the lens of your eyes with the pretense of, “I see both sides of the story.” Healthy love is edification. It’s letting go and trusting God enough to see the intricacies of everyone’s heart condition.

When I read the scripture above, I thought about how my mother and grandmother liberated me in love. Had they kept me sheltered and not given me an opportunity to explore my creativity, my very being, the world, and the realm of possibility, I would not be the person that I am today. Truly, love liberates. It allows us to spread our wings and fly into a manifestation of creation. Likewise, I must give this gift of healthy love to others just as Jesus so eloquently models it daily for me.

In earthly speech, I’d like to present the wisdom of Maya Angelou on this very subject. A while back, I was watching Oprah’s show,  Master Class and was taken away by her choice of words. It’s only fitting that I share these words with you. Enjoy!

“I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’” — Dr. Maya Angelou

En paz,

His Daughter

P.S. I pray I hit on the core of this message. This is such a profound concept and hence slightly difficult to communicate in words. *Happy Holidays!!

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Happy Pre-Jesus Party!!

Good morning family! As I prayed this morning, I gave thanks for being saved, knowing my savior, my family, close friends, boyfriend, career, health, sanity, and so on. I confessed my sins and asked for repentence and proceeded to close my prayer in the name of Jesus. All of a sudden, I felt His spirit stop me. “Really  chica??? Is that all you have for me?” I am so grateful that Jesus stopped me in my tracks to humble myself and heed His admonition. He stopped me to say, “Think about what today really means. Think about the true meaning of Christmas. Humble yourself to truly celebrate the reason for this season.”

Over the past couple of days my family and I have ventured in and out of the mall. We took a moment to take ourselves out of the equation to really “see” what was taking place. We witnessed a throng of overwhelmed people running around madly for presents and trinkets that will soon have no bearing on this planet called earth. I mean really??? We stress ourselves out spending money aimlessly for the sake of maintaining an empty tradition that Our Father never approved from jump. No, this isn’t a a post to make you feel guilty or maybe it is..lol. Seriously, it’s a post to bring us all back to the realization of what this “holiday” or better stated, “celebration” is all about.

In a conversation this morning, my sister and I wondered what Jesus is thinking as He watches His children scatter through the red-lined encumbered pricetagged ridden stores. Is He upset? Is He frustrated? Is He confused? Is He sad? Is He depressed? How can His children forget His birthday and decide that the meaning of His very existence, the meaning of His ultimate gift-His sacrificing of His very own life so that we may live, is disappearing amongst maxed out credit cards and coupons. It’s disgraceful and revolting at it’s least. It’s ironic that when our birthdays come around we can plan a celebration that literally tears the roof off, but when it’s Our Father’s birthday all we can suffice to do is forget who He is and relish gifts devoid of meaning to our loved ones and family members??

Certainly, I am guilty of this too and am ashamed at how  I’ve failed to share this meaning with others. With all this being said, I pray that all who read this post and even those who do not, will  have a Jesus party on this Christmas Eve and an even larger party tomorrow in honor of our Savior and Lord. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes to see who you are and give glory to your name for your ultimate gift. I confess to you that I’ve fallen short and have failed to recognize why this season truly matters. Thank you for humbling me to understand that this holiday season is not about the gifts I receive nor the gifts I give, but it’s about YOU and YOUR GLORY. Words can not express my gratitude for the gift you’ve given me that I will never be able to repay you for. Please help me to represent and in turn “re” “present” you wherever I may go. Have your way today and forevermore. In your darling son Jesus’s name I pray, AMEN.

En paz,

His Daughter

Success vs. Significance

The last couple of days have been eye openers for me. Stewardship has been on my mind pretty heavily in many different forms. Lately, I’ve been feeling guilty over my blessings. It sounds weird to me when I say it, but it’s true.  I couldn’t quite place my finger on why I felt so guilty over things God had blessed me with until yesterday. I questioned myself,  “Have I been a good steward over what God has given me?” Consequently, do I feel guilty because I have not properly overseen what I have been given? #profound#

As I am writing this post, I don’t truly have my thoughts formulated or bundled in a cute package of a solution. One thing I do know is that I want to live according to the purpose ordained on my life from my Creator and to do that, I must live a life of significance. My success will die with me the very day that I die, but if my life is significant, it will outlast me long after I am with my Heavenly Father.

I thought about “success” and how I achieved success in many areas. However,  I noticed that was the extent of the definition of those accomplishments in my life—-success. I believe God did not create me to be successful. Instead, He created me to live a life of “significance.” There is a pretty stark difference between the two. Success is ephemeral. Significance is sustainable. In so many ways I’ve allowed this world to condition me to strive for success, when success has NOTHING to do with God’s plan.

When I contemplate great leaders, I ponder on their significance. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Michael Jackson, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Chief Red Cloud, Cesar Chavez and the list goes on. When these leaders left this world, the contributions they gave did not. Scores of years later, we still celebrate and reminisce on their victories and gestures of giving. I pray that God humbles me enough to move myself out-of-the-way and aim for the life of significance that He planned.

To wrap things up, I’ll leave you with this thought: The world teaches us to aim for the top of the ladder of success. It says fake it until you make it, by any means necessary, we are all crabs in a barrel, the top glitters like gold, ect. My question is, what happens when you get to the top after you’ve kicked others off the ladder to achieve your crowning glory, only to discover that there is nothing there? Things that make you go hmmm…I have a special follow-up sequel featuring a special guest very soon.* Until then, has your life been successful or significant thus far?

En paz,

His daughter

 

T.G.I.S. (Thank God It’s Saturday!!!)

Praise the Lawd!!! I cannot begin to express my elation over the blessing of it being Saturday!! God is soo incredible!! My career has been kicking my butt!! Yes.  I am not ashamed to admit that over the last month I have been challenged like no other. This includes challenges in the physical, mental, and spiritual realms. This Labor Day weekend is going to be my battery charge fo’ sho! LOL

I am in the service of educating and I find myself constantly repeating myself ad nausea! Yesterday, my body, my mind, and my very being was lethargic. Have you ever been so exhausted that you just wanted to sit in silence? Well, that’s where I was. I felt like listening made me tired. That’s pretty insane if you ask me. Anywho, as I was saying, I’ve realized that the very ideas that I’ve been attempting to ingrain in the score of lovely human beings I work with, are the precise ideas I need to internalize myself.

Allow me to paint a lucid picture. One of the ideas that drone from my lips everyday is, ” You CAN NOT learn if you DO NOT follow directions. You CAN learn if you follow directions.” It perplexes me everyday as to why I HAVE to repeat these words a plethora of times. One would think, the first time I say them, they would be understood and implemented immediately. What??? That could not be further from the truth! Then it dawned on me. Call it an aha moment for real!

I have trouble “believing” and therefore, implementing my own words of wisdom.  God has blessed us with a life map that details every and anything we will EVER need to know, in the Bible. Talk about directions. They don’t get any more clear than the way in which Jesus lays them out in the Bible. Yet day in and day out, I continue to disobey some of His directions and do what I understand to be best. DING DING!!! I can NOT learn if I do NOT follow directions. I CAN learn if I follow directions.” The sad part is I go on to ask those that cannot heed directions, “Tell me, why is it so hard to follow directions?” Who am I right? When I can’t even follow Jesus’s directions verbatim. A mess!

The moral of my story is not to lower my expectations for my lovies just because I relate to not following directions, but to understand my role as a servant leader and model Jesus’s mannerisms as a leader in effecting positive change in my career role. Thank God, Jesus has mercy on us when we sin, yet He also provides us with sufficient grace and discipline to improve. Hot dog!! So although it irritates the heck out of me to constantly hear myself repeat those words, it simply reminds me that we as creatures on this earth struggle with similar issues, but we all have a personal responsibility to affect the change that is so greatly needed in order  to realize our inheritance as TRUE children of God.

En paz,

His Daughter

Convicted.

Oh how I miss spending more time pouring my soul out on my blog. 😦 I know it’s been a minute, but duty calls and my new career has been tugging on ways to develop my character. All in all, I am blessed and grateful!

Today was a beautiful day! As I walked outside, I admired God’s creation. Simply stunning! The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze, the butterflies were floating from one flower bush to the next and there was green everywhere. *Que the music…lol…Ok…I know it sounds cliché, but it really was beautiful. It was as if the blinders were taken off my eyes and I could finally see. It’s in those moments that God stops us to “SEE” who He really is. I love Him!

I was listening to the sermon of an anointed man and I was “convicted.” The message was, “Nothing Just Happens.” OMGeeee! This message was sooo powerful. I thank God for convicting me in the manner in which He did today. As I was listening to this message it really begin to make sense to me. Although, I’ve heard a similar message in different words, for some reason today God opened my ears and removed the scales from my eyes to truly hear and see this message. It reminds me of Mark 8:18 “Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?”

I started to think about my life and how blessed I am. I started to think about the complaining I do. I pondered where I am, how I got here, the opportunities I’ve been afforded and the people who He placed in my life. All of this, I had no part or say in. God is the puppeteer and I am simply the puppet He is using for His glory. For a long time I thought it was my intellect, my thoughts, my motivation, my hard work that placed me where I am today. Wrong! This message set my record straight that nothing in my life just happens. God is the conductor behind it all. Never has a human being’s free will or Satan’s schemes overhauled God’s plans! I wish I could do this post justice. Instead, I believe it would be more beneficial for you to listen to the message yourself. Go on Youtube and type in “Nothing just happens TD Jakes.” It’s a 3 part series, so make sure to check the entire series out.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the content of this His sermon.  Be blessed family!

En paz,

His Daughter

 

Testing 1..2..3

Glory to God! The largest portion of my training is over and I am back in my new hometown! My students in Atlanta taught me a ton, but now it’s time to crack the whip..lol. In other words, it’s time to get down to business. Last night, I was perusing some of my favorite you-tubers and connected with this thought-“Is God testing me right now?” Many times over, we find ourselves in what I like to term “cycles.” Cycles are segments in our lives that repeat themselves at nausea. I cannot recount the number of times I’ve found myself in a cycle. Granted, I’m not proud of it,  but its TRUTH. Since this topic is so timely, I decided to break it down-for your understanding and internalization as well as mine.

Think about the purpose of a test. A test is designed to measure what you have learned over a period of time, mastered, failed and need more help on. A test is administered again if the individual fails it the first time. It shows that mastery to a certain degree of satisfaction has not been achieved. The more you fail the test, the more lessons you receive and more attempts you have at passing the test. As we know from our formative years in elementary school and beyond, the object of the game is to absorb the material as efficiently and thoroughly as possible during the lessons so that it is easily and clearly articulated when it comes time for the assessment.

Let me bring this lens into focus for you. Right now I am in a cycle. I am seeing the same scenario play out in my life that I have seen numerous times before. It took last night and this morning for me to walk myself through my life and see that this scene is no stranger in my mind. Perhaps, I failed the test before. Not just one time, but several times. God walked me through the lessons and administered the tests, and I failed each time. Clearly, He’s taught me as only a Father can and I’ve decided not to use the study guides. Somewhere along the way I decided to follow the same execution methods that I am familiar and hence, comfortable with. He equipped me with the strategies I need to succeed, yet I have fallen prey to my own prideful and self-corrective (ie. self-destructive) ways.

Announcement-THIS IS A TEST! This is GOD’s test to me. I pray for the strength and knowledge to remember the strategies He taught me. I pray to remember the formidable tests He helped me conquer in the past. I pray to not allow my pride to get in the way,     thinking it knows the best answer choices. I pray for resounding FAITH and TRUST in the Almighty.  The only things that will get me through this test are the WILL of my Father coupled with PATIENCE and HUMILTY. I must do DIFFERENTLY this time. Remember the same actions, yield the same results. I send my earnest prayer that any negative cycle you are going through be broken and you pass this test with astounding mastery!

En Paz,

His Daughter*

#SPEECHLESS#

I was hesitant to share this post just yet. Mainly, because I haven’t come to terms with it myself. However, I gave my word that this blog would chronicle my journey of self-discovery through Christ and in so doing, reflect TRUTH. So…here it goes. BIG UPS to my sister who has been continually mentioning this amazing book she is reading. Inquisitive me, I decided to Google it for myself. Boiiiii, when I say today my life was changed, mmmmhhh. #SPEECHLESS#

Perhaps, I’m late on hearing about Pastor Francis Chan and his PHENOMENAL book, Crazy Love, but better late than never! Today, I watched this video and completely lost control of my emotions. I mean, I balled like a baby. Never before, have things relating to my spirituality been made THIS transparent, clear, and concise to me. I still am at a loss for words.  (PAUSE: Take a moment to watch the video below in it’s entirety before you continue to read the rest of this post. No, really-watch the ENTIRE video first!)

I trust that you are reading these words because you just finished watching the entire video clip. Now let me explain to you why I responded with a tub full of tears after watching this video. The first thought that surfaced in my mind was, “Why does God love me so much???” All I could do was ask myself this a million times over. I don’t understand why He loves me so much. To be frank, God doesn’t need us. He is THE author and finisher, THE creator, THE king, THE alpha and omega. He does not need us little human beings one bit. To make it clearer–He’s good, he’s straight. Yet, the significant thing is, we NEED Him. The Bible clearly states that without Him we are nothing. So why does He love me SOOO much??

There I was, reflecting on my sins and shortcomings and gazing at all the blessings He has bestowed upon my life and the millions of times He has never left me nor forsake me. I reminisced on the fact that I go day in and day out without constantly seeking ways to give Him glory. Yet, He sent His only son to die the most brutal death ever recorded, so that I could live and live more abundantly. Still, I wonder, “Why does He love me so much??”

I practically beat myself up with this question until I realized that, that was not the question I should have been asking. The question I needed to ask myself is  (warning this may sound blasphemous to some, but I’m being honest for my sake and yours) “Why don’t I love Him as much as He loves me??” Stank face moment* Seriously, I asked God a question and this is the answer He gave me in the form of a question. It is sooooo on point! Why don’t I love Him as much and in the same way He loves me????

I could sit here and type a falsehood that I mimic God in His love for me, but I’m going to be honest because that is the only way for me to develop and progress from my current mindset. Do you see why I was a bit hesitant in sharing this? I don’t have a complete response to this revelation. I don’t understand God’s love yet. I want to so badly, but my level of awareness on this particular subject has not been heightened just yet. There are so many elements to this conversation, but I haven’t processed them yet. Please post your comments on this post. I would love to hear your thoughts.  

My mission right now is to learn about, understand, and develop a relationship with GOD on a level that I NEVER imagined. I am TRULY ready to learn who MY FATHER is.

En Paz,

His Daughter