Never would I have imagined that I would be in the same situation that I was when I started this blog. NEVER! Never had it crossed my mind that one day I would be experiencing the same type of pain and hurt that I felt when I created this outlet. Afterall, this blog was conceived in my pain. Granted, it’s amazing what one can give birth to in the midst of pain, but I must say, I never saw this one coming.
I don’t know if I am emotionally fit or in a true spiritual mindset to write this blog post, but I know writing can be extremely therapeutic for me, and it’s something that has helped me endure over time. As you know, I refrain from writing posts that may be immature for presentation-immature in the sense of my thoughts not being fully developed on a subject, but I just felt the need to get this one out.
Lord knows I have questions for days. I cry, then pick myself up, then cry some more. All I can think is, “How in the world can this be happening??” I don’t have any answers, nor do I understand. All I’ve been praying for is peace and strength to stay focused on Him. Trust God. I must trust God. I know that my eyes only allow me to see so far, but His vision spans the universe. I must have faith and I must trust God.
I wish I could have helped. I wish I could have lost myself then and been used as the vessel I know I am. I wish I would have been deeply rooted in Him so that my foundation did not break. I wish I could have been stronger and more selfless. I wish my priorities were in the right place. I wish I would have walked all the way according to His leading. I wish I could have done things differently. I know this post may seem a little awkward. It’s just I haven’t quite figured out how and where to place my thoughts. So excuse me for me vent and sporadicness.
Tonight, I’m sending out a prayer request, until I can learn to articulate more clearly my thoughts in this season. I pray for peace abounding, strength to endure, and patience to trust His leading.
SN: It’s so ironic and a bit creepy that the painting that I included in this post has been hanging in my room for about 8 or 9 months. When I first layed eyes on this painting, it was so beautiful and powerful. I had to purchase it, no matter the cost. In my bed, I gazed at it day after day. Never would I have imagined that I would mirror this exact image one day. (A natural-haired woman clinging to my Bible in my sleep with the exact same colors surrounding me.)
Covered by His blood,